You’ve come here the worst time.
While I was hardly finishing my tasks that day, one of our managers told me things could have been better if I moved to this country months before or after, but NOT during these days.
I just smirked.
He’s not the only person who told me that anyway. My sister who’s been here for three years tried to explained how difficult it is for a young lady to work overseas in the face of crisis. It won’t be as easy as you think, she argued. My parents, who were shocked when I told them that I would be resigning, tried to convince me up to the last minute to stay – because it’s reasonable to. I have a stable job in a government agency, salary’s okay, my experiences revealed multiple truths on local politics which enlightened me and encouraged me to do better, those personalities I was dealing with molded my character day in day out, not to mention that it was overall comfortable and convenient – our office is just a 10-minute drive from home, I get free breakfast, snack and lunch during seminars or events, I get to visit new places during trainings, I seldom host events, I write still, and the list goes on.
What’s pulling them back however – at least in my mind – is the fact that their youngest daughter who never thought of moving abroad would suddenly leave them with empty hands and without the slightest hint of idea what to do next. The only thing I was certain back then was I could not go on. I could barely go on. The outstanding and lone movement I could think about that point was my displacement.
For me, it’s the worst feeling.
Have you ever felt like that? Like you’re literally having the worst days of your life. You felt like you are a failure, a defeat in yourself, or circumstances keep on pushing you away and it’s as if there’s nothing left for you but to leave in silence and walk away.
Undeniably we tend to be ungrateful for our so-called ‘dark days’.
The worst days of your life might be heartbreaking at first – although we don’t really know when and how it begins – but these hopeless days, ironically, help you regain your footing and will lead you to the path where some of the best discoveries in life awaits.
1. You are now back to square one.
The last thing we humans do when facing hardships is to look at ourselves. More often than not, we try to reason out and look at our current situation as a product of circumstances or the people around us and not as a product of our own choices.
If you feel like it’s your worst time, maybe you have really reached a dead-end for a particular aspect in your life. When I say dead-end, it’s like there’s nothing you can do but to wait and let it pass. Unless you accept this fact, you won’t have a time to look at yourself and afterwards look for yourself.
This is why the season of waiting is somewhat refreshing. When you start to stop (that’s so contradicting), you see yourself away from the spotlight, the labels, achievements, or any bragging rights you could ever think of because you have that resurfacing feeling of ‘nothing to be proud of’, ‘feeling empty’, or simply ‘broken’. You almost questioned your purpose in living and why things are not going how you envisioned it. Indeed it could break your spirit, but brokenness is essential in seeing your true self.
Starting from the beginning helps you reconfigure yourself.
2. You realize your weaknesses.
You start to improve your relationship with yourself when times are tough. Truly it’s a humbling experience. Isn’t it when someone asks your strong points, say during a job interview or a conversation with your colleagues, you could easily think of things you would want to say? And when it’s about your ‘points of improvement’, you could easily think of things you would NOT want to say. Why? We all try to hide our weaknesses, and normally, we only reveal those traits which we feel are somewhat okay to tell others.
Your worst days expose particular areas in your life which you will soon reconsider and act upon, depending on your choice. Through trials and challenges one’s character is tested. You might learn that there’s inconsistency in your words and actions, or you might find your lack of commitment to long-term goals. It may simply be a kind of trait or your treatment with your family, or even the way you deal with stress or handle decision-making.
No matter what it is, such days take your self-awareness to the next level where you can’t deny the pressing need to work on certain areas in your life, to grow up as you grow old. Although you may not really start changing because you feel weak, at the very least you’ll see your working canvas.
3. You get to know who your real friends are.
This is my favorite part. You will see who has the genuine concern for you during the lowest points in your life. When my spirit was crushed, I have discovered who my lifelong friends are. These are the people who choose to stay after seeing unlovely sides of me.
4. You try to be still, despite not being strong.
There’s a difference between being still and being strong. I would like to argue that during your worst days you could not remain strong. You are down on your knees and then somebody tells you to “Be strong!” There were several attempts but you know you just fail. I know that feeling.
‘Still’ defined in the dictionary means to stay or remain. In other words, don’t be moved. Whatever phase you are going through, and if you can’t do nothing about it, just hang in there. I will tell you why.
5. You will be found.
Your worst days are worst because you seemed so lost. You don’t know where to go or what to do next. You are not even sure how to move forward or if you really can.
Well you don’t have to do it alone. Somebody out there looks for you. You try to search for yourself, yet the last discovery reveals that someone loves you and your whole being at all times.
Whenever you feel like you’re all alone, or you are being rejected, look at the Cross. Feel it. Feel it even more. And you will be found.
Yes, it may be the worst time. Admittedly, there are some days I still think I could not go on. But hold on self.
Somebody thinks I am worth fighting for. Somebody thinks I am worth dying for.
And that’s the best part of it.
Enjoy the good times while you can, but when times are hard realize that both come from God.